How do I know that my wife filled 2023 tax return with out me

If she filed a joint return behind your back then if you try to e-file a married filing separately return for yourself  it will be rejected for duplicate use of a Social Security number.   

But have you just asked her if she filed?   

If you are still legally married your filing choices are to file married filing jointly or married filing separately.   The other possible choice for one of you would be to file Head of Household if you were living apart for at least the last 6 months of 2023 and were the custodial parent of the children.

In order to file MFS, you need each other's SSN's and you have to follow strict rules for that filing status--including both of you using standard deduction or both using itemized deductions.   It is in both of your best interests to know what you are each trying to do so that you do not both mess up with the IRS.