1099-R dated for 2022 - but not paid until 2023 - can we claim on next years taxes

Not without some hassle. If the custodian considers it pay in 2022, you most likely had constructive receipt of the money.  Most importantly, the IRS gets a copy of that 1099-R and will be looking for it on your return.   Ideally you would get a corrected 1099-R from the IRA custodian.

There's no really good way to head off an IRS inquiry.  Some would advise mailing in your return (rather than e-file) and attach an explanatory statement. 

There is a way to show an offset, in TurboTax and still e-file, but that's no guarantee of heading off the IRS.  Reply back if you want instructions.